June 2016 Recap

 

Summer beach writing

The word Summer written on a sandy beach, with scuba mask, beach towel, starfish and flip flops (studio shot – warm color and directional light are intentional).

* It is crazy how there is only 6 months of 2016 left!It is very scary how fast life truly passes by. June has been a emotional Rollercoaster if I may say myself.  Highs and lows just like every other month, but this month as been a very challenging one!

Of course the beginning of the month started with mixed feelings and thoughts. I turned 26 on the first, (which honestly caused a wake call) It was not a great year of celebrating my 26 years on this earth ,but I am very grateful for having another day above ground.  The older you get, celebrating your birthday truly just becomes another day.

* A childhood friend  and I made amends to give our friendship one more try , which in my eyes was a blessing and a moment for growth in my eyes. I never thought we were going to be friends again because, how we ended our friendship 5-6 years ago.

*Finally took the first step in getting my license(ABOUT TIME!!), downloaded the Driver’s Manual for my state and began to read it. I am currently 3 chapters to finishing it, then I will go take my written test.  I am a little disappointed in myself for not reaching my goal of having it before my birthday, but I’m almost there. Procrastination at its finest..lol..not anymore more.

*I had to make some very hard decisions this month dealing with what is best for my life, growth and health. Removing people that would rather complain and be misunderstanding to my ways of making important changes for my life.  Standing up for my own right to life, even if it met other being mad for the choices

*Cupid has placed me in an awkward situation when he hit me with that stupid arrow! Dealing emotions, and distracting moves that make no sense at this time.

*Mxdbreedgraphix has become a hot commodity, which is a blessing as well as creating another level of growth in myself. I became apart of a Full Fledge Entertainment which, I am very honored , and blessed about being apart of this organization. It has been  very challenging for me ,due to the fact that I am working with different personalities. I have been filled with joy and happiness that I get the chance to show my talent, I know God is putting me in this place to see if I am truly ready to take this one full time!

As the month is rapidly coming to an end, and looking back at it, I am not in a rush to make major moves that can affect and set me back.

 

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Gemini Intellect : Music Of My Heart

It has been said that Music is the easiest way to express yourself. Which that is very much correct, the connection to a song when it comes on, helps you to understand what it is that your thinking about, or going through. Music can empower you as well as make some emotions more evident then others. There are songs that remind you of a time, person or moment that ment something to you.

Tonight the music has been speaking volumes to my spirit and my memory. Sending me into memory lane, as well as helping me  understand what I am feeling is not in vain. Its been a very crazy ride in this journey called life, and I turn to music, and other creative canvsas to help express my feelings and emotions.

Lazy Loveby Ne-yo ~ currently it doesn’t have a significance to my life at the moment. The story of the song, is pretty much, a man who loves to make love with his partner, and understands that its so amazing and good to where he is late for work. I would love to have a significant other that would stay home and just be intertwined in each other that our love is unbreakable.

Gone and Never Coming Back by Melanie Fiona~ Its always the song that I turn to when it comes to relationships. I’ve been in several Relationships where It was not safe for me to be in, but because I love hard and strong I try my best to make it work. When you always try to make someone understand how much you truly love them and they truly just don’t care and rather be somewhere else. Behing heartbroken from someone that you put time and love into its very hard to overcome but not impossible.

Body On Me by Rita Ora ft. Chris Brown~  This song just reminds me when I first meet someone that I really like and I get that “Highschool crush phase”, where you’re constantly thinking intimate thoughts about them. Realistic thoughts in your mind that seem very vivid and surreal. Especially when your miles apart which does not make the thoughts easier .

Next Time (won’t give my heart away) Keyshia Cole~ another one of those songs that helps a woman just chill, after a break up. I have a bad habit of given chances after chances knowing that things won’t change. Then I am on this self beating up when, I know that somethings are not my fault. Some things are not worht keeping or fightin for. Most of the time when I am going through a break-up or in my feelings I listen to Keyshia Cole.

You Aint Real ByCameron J(off Youtube) ~ This song has to be my shit. Many times when we are in relationships, where words are so comforting to the ear but not real to action. When you meet someone and smooth talk like its something you really want but come to find out you were just playing the part. If you can not be real about feelings or intentions then whats the point of being with someone. If you can’t do your part and always depending on the other person why waste time? Cameron just took all the words out of my head when He made this song. I kid you not.

Leaving Tonight By Ne-yo Ft. Jennifer Hudson~ When your are tired of being lied to by the one person that promised never to do so. When there is doubt, due to the way people act, or react when things are going on, or happening. When you’re officialy done working it out with the person, and they always trying to down play their wrong doings, and ready to just give it all up.

 

BeYouTiful Love Yourself First

 Self-confidence has been my biggest overcoming achievement that I am still perfecting til this day. When I was little I used to be called ugly and picked on.I was never told that I was beautiful by my parents, at least not often. When I was in High school  when,I got my first boyfriend, and we broke up on christmas eve, he ended up going out with a the girl that was two years younger then me, since then it was like maybe I wasn’t pretty enough. I was never the “it”girl. I always did things to make people like me, never knowing if they were really my friends. When I got into the 8th-9th grade I got into this phase,where I would cut my wrist,and strave myself because I just felt really ugly and useless. My self-esteem was very low. My mom and I were nowhere as close as we are now,but it got to a point where my mom was going to give me to DHS because she did not want me anymore. I always thought that having  a boyfriend would give me joy,and happiness,little did I know that I had to find that inside myself. I have lost friends that I have given my last to, I have been made out to be a toxic and destructive person because I was trying to protect someone I cared about dearly . I have been bullied so much,that it made me feel like I was a pointless air of life. I ment a beautiful person,who understood that I wasn’t all the way together,but that with the right guidence and love I’d become a better person.

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  Self-confidence has always been my weakness,because I always placed others first, and when they got mad, I’d stress myself out because I wanted to keep them happy that I was loosing myself.  There will come a point where you will  have to choose Yourself  or unhappiness,and speaking from experince,when you choose others over you it never turns out good. I learned that the first time around. When things are not okay for you,God gives us warning signs,or you get those signs ..that make you realized that  there is Danger in the midst LISTEN!  I promise that it will save you tears and disappointment.  

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I have been doing very well with self love, I often get teased because I take tons of selfies. I am a very humble person, when people tell me I’m beautiful I tend to come off uneasy, I am so used to not hearing it that.. its does not phase me. I have been called ugly my entire life, and when someone did call me beautiful, it was for their own personal gain, just to get what they wanted and leave. I struggle with understanding why I have been single for so long, yes my ways of doing things does not always make sense to others, but my intentions are never bad.  I got into make up and hair to change the way I looked or to hide the real me. Often when you hear about make-up people say ” You can transfrom yourself into anyone you want to be with make-up and clothes”. I felt like make up made me look better, and a different person. I dyed my hair since I was 13, because I wanted people to like me so bad. I am now 25 and I’ve come to realize that life is too short to be something you are not. Love yourself first, because that is all you have in the end. If you want to dye your hair, do it for youself. Loose weight because you want to feel beauiful to do so, not because someone makes you feel ugly!  Love your outside as much as your inside.

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I hope that I uplifted someone who is reading this or if you know someon who is struggling with Self confidence please don’t hesitate them to my blog ! My goal is to empower and make new friends! Women need to be more kind to each other and not easily degrading each other.

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Follow me on all my social media sites… check under the Mxdbreed tab above for the links!

until next time

❤ Mxdbreed

 

Mean Girls

I just finished watching a movie on Lifetime Movie Network with my mother, it was called  Double Dadddy , basically about a guy who got two girls pregnant. One of the girls was his longtime girlfriend Amanda for two years and the other one Heather, pretty much trapped him. Basically Heather was a very confused individual that was msierable and wanted to make someone elses life miserable. She tried to destroy the relationship, as well as disrespect the guys Mom (which is a NO NO).   Well this movie made me think back to when I was in High school, and how I lost a lot of friends, because I wasn’t the prettiest one, or the fact that I did not party or anything. In most cases many of the MEAN girls are the one that you were once close with… which in my case it was true. Something about Highschool or Jr. High that makes Teenage girls just so damn Mean and guys so damn rude.  I was never the “IT” girl as I call it. I was never the one that the Popular guy winked at, or any of that. I was the silly art girl who wished it was that way. I was bullied, often and the friends I did have lasted until after high school.

It gets worse as you get older as well. Grown women are worse then teenage girls. Finding a good Female friend is so hard, when you had a Bestfriend stabb you in the back, its hard to look at having a female friend the same. Many girls nowadays do not believe in the CODE.. loyalty and honesty is the most important thing. I have gotten close to people who I thought were my friends then come to realize when I made a desicion that was to better myself I was all kinda of names in the book. It always sucks when it is people that you went out your way for, or would do anything for. You always hear about stories about how High School is fun and the best years of your life.. they do not tell you how girls will be so cruel to where you don’t want to live on earth. Mean girls are bullies.

If I ever have a chance to have a daughter, she will know about Mean girls. She will know how to deal with them without being ugly. No child should be bullied for any reason, and no girl should grow up thinking she can not trust a girl. I am so happy that I have a Bestfriend , I don’t even have to talk to her every day but We have been through alot as well tryingt o defend our friendship when peopel tried to destroy it.

If you are being bullies by a Mean Girl, tell an adult, or confront her. There is nothing more pathetic then a grown woman acting like a high school chick with envious traits. Most of the times they are miserable, and they live on making other people suffer. Stand up tall and let them know they don’t have control over you nor do they dictate what or who are you. If a Friend shifts sides to keep away from being in the cross fire, the they are not your friend.  A girl who tells your business with someone who does not like you , is a snake in the grass and you should not be friends with snakes.

Be the girl that you want to find and be friends with. Real Girl Friendships are hard to find. Real Friends do not make you feel like life is better without you .

The ultimate Blessing and curse

Sometimes I wish that every time I did something out of kindness it didn’t have a negative reaction. I am 25 years old, the work industry is so hard nowadays even to get hired at a local Dollar Tree. I do amazing graphics on the side which I want to pursue all day everyday of my life. I apply and call for follow ups, and always get the same answers. I had a good job but because of safety reasons I had to let it go. If I don’t feel secure its not going to be fun for me. I know that every job will have that manager who thinks that they are better then you and talk down to you but it’s not okay. I wish that I would find something to make things better . I pray and hope that it would be a good outcome soon. I do not like to feel like I’m not worth anything or can’t bring anything to the table. I know it will get better but paitents is a virtue. 

Movie Review: The Good Dinosaur

image THE GOOD DINOSAURimage

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imageStoryline of the Movie Provided to you by IMDbimage

“The Good Dinosaur” asks the question: What if the asteroid that forever changed life on Earth missed the planet completely and giant dinosaurs never became extinct? In this epic journey into the world of dinosaurs, an Apatosaurus named Arlo makes an unlikely human friend. While traveling through a harsh and mysterious landscape, Arlo learns the power of confronting his fears and discovers what he is truly capable of. Written by Pixar

imageReleased November 25th,2015image

 I have to admit that this movie was a super cute adn tear jerker, but any true Disney kid(not disney channel)knows that most Disney Movies have a life lesson, that when you get older  you can come to grips with the story the movie wants to tell.  This movie has a cute little Dinosaur name Arlo who wanted to prove to his family that he was good enough to earn his mark . By proving this, Arlo’s dad  told him to kill the critter (Spot) that kept eating all their food to survive. Just like many parents wanting their children to get over their fears and know that they will be okay when its their time to be on their own.  There are so many cute parts in this movie that I will not say because it would spoil it for your guys. My favorite clip is when Arlo takes Spot to the field that Arlo’s took him and the fireflies were floating around them.Most Dinosuar movies there T-Rex is always a Bad guy(lol) well in this movie Butch(Played by Sam Elliott)is a cowboy which is pretty ironic for his character but, its funny because Dinosaurs are more human like in this movie and the human-like characters are animal like. It was just a very cute movie.

Plan With Me: A New Year

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   When you only have 48 hours left of 2015 and you are doing your last reflection on what you did, what you could’ve done, and haven’t done, Then realizing even though I haven’t done what i wanted to I am still above ground breathing and willing to try harder to no make the wrong desicions again. 2015 was a eye opener for me, I’ve watched people who say they love me just show their true colors. Seen with my own eyes, how a significant other can act as a stranger and not give two damns about how it affected you. I watched how family memembers rather keep friends closer who do them wrong then family that just wants you to be okay. Ive watched how someone can be in constant confusion and always going back to their past because they hope it would change… but alreayd knowing the outcome. I’ve been victim to so much this year because I allowed it, when I should have been protecting me from all thats wrong and harmful.  I learned an awesome new trait to help my life in guiding me in a right path. I have perfected some things as well as having to tweak some other areas. I learned that I shall not give in to something that I dont feel it right no matter who wants me to do something, and if they don’t understand or like my choice then they are not ment for my life.  I watched my favorite NFL football team strive for excellence regardless who doubted them.     Beleive in YOURSELF and watch what YOU”RE capabable of.. Thank you 2015 for helping the modifications of my every extistence how I see, feel, and defend what I stand for. I love those in my life.. love those who have left. I love myself more then I used to.. and I am okay if I have to go into 2016 alone because as long as God has my back I am good.

Happy Planner   New Years Printable from  SheFullFaith her  Instagram or Facebook

Erin Condren Life Planner  New Years Eve Printable from MonicasMarvel