It was something about his way he carried himself that got me intertwined in his webb that he spun from the jump. All I thought is Barry White has nothing on you, the voice of security and protection that you maintain had me all in. Its a Gemini’s biggest weakness .. Alpha Male with Dominant traits that makes things seem okay . Even though the feeling of you do not need anyone is a strong vibe that it given off 99.9% of the time. The caring and curiousity role had me thinking he was really down to earth and God-like, but even within that something mysterious about his stature made me uneasy. In a short time frame of knowing someone so real and upfront has its high and low points. Nothing real and worth having does not come without a severe strom, that you have to overcome first. In my time on earth, and being old enough to know what a relationship consists of, in his words “I’m not new to it i’m true to it” which is self explanatory. I find myself speaking like him, stiving every day to be a better individual not just because of him but as well because who I was yesterday was not all I strived to be. I never had a man make me weak in my knees where it was hard to think or speak. Times where his words are so cut throat, with no remose of how they escape from his lips. Conversations that actually give clarity to make our bond stronger which is something I treasure, never a disconnect between us. Deadly like Grim searching for souls to take captive to take to another world, where when they come back their not the same, but its a my curiousity like Persephone knowing that even in a pitch black room there is a reason to smile and see the light.
I just finished watching a movie on Lifetime Movie Network with my mother, it was called Double Dadddy , basically about a guy who got two girls pregnant. One of the girls was his longtime girlfriend Amanda for two years and the other one Heather, pretty much trapped him. Basically Heather was a very confused individual that was msierable and wanted to make someone elses life miserable. She tried to destroy the relationship, as well as disrespect the guys Mom (which is a NO NO). Well this movie made me think back to when I was in High school, and how I lost a lot of friends, because I wasn’t the prettiest one, or the fact that I did not party or anything. In most cases many of the MEAN girls are the one that you were once close with… which in my case it was true. Something about Highschool or Jr. High that makes Teenage girls just so damn Mean and guys so damn rude. I was never the “IT” girl as I call it. I was never the one that the Popular guy winked at, or any of that. I was the silly art girl who wished it was that way. I was bullied, often and the friends I did have lasted until after high school.
It gets worse as you get older as well. Grown women are worse then teenage girls. Finding a good Female friend is so hard, when you had a Bestfriend stabb you in the back, its hard to look at having a female friend the same. Many girls nowadays do not believe in the CODE.. loyalty and honesty is the most important thing. I have gotten close to people who I thought were my friends then come to realize when I made a desicion that was to better myself I was all kinda of names in the book. It always sucks when it is people that you went out your way for, or would do anything for. You always hear about stories about how High School is fun and the best years of your life.. they do not tell you how girls will be so cruel to where you don’t want to live on earth. Mean girls are bullies.
If I ever have a chance to have a daughter, she will know about Mean girls. She will know how to deal with them without being ugly. No child should be bullied for any reason, and no girl should grow up thinking she can not trust a girl. I am so happy that I have a Bestfriend , I don’t even have to talk to her every day but We have been through alot as well tryingt o defend our friendship when peopel tried to destroy it.
If you are being bullies by a Mean Girl, tell an adult, or confront her. There is nothing more pathetic then a grown woman acting like a high school chick with envious traits. Most of the times they are miserable, and they live on making other people suffer. Stand up tall and let them know they don’t have control over you nor do they dictate what or who are you. If a Friend shifts sides to keep away from being in the cross fire, the they are not your friend. A girl who tells your business with someone who does not like you , is a snake in the grass and you should not be friends with snakes.
Be the girl that you want to find and be friends with. Real Girl Friendships are hard to find. Real Friends do not make you feel like life is better without you .
There has always been a special place in my heart for you, it’s a constant battle within myself because at times I want to just leave you alone, but I don’t want to give up on what we have built. The moment I met you, I knew that you ment to be mine, for more then just a season, you did not belong to me, for you were someone elses love, as well as I was. I never allowed the emotions or feelings I had for someone take control of how bad I wanted to have them. I then disappeared for a while and had to get somethings handled, in the midst of this absence another broke your heart and you built this wall out of broken lyrics to the love songs, and words of promises that were simple lies. We reconnected and instantly created a bond that was unbreakable. Everyday after that we become closer, in many ways that people would never know, What’s Understood doesn’t need to be discussed, are the words that formed from your charming lips , into my mind where I never imagined the power you had over it. Every song that plays reminds me of you, catching myself smiling at myself when your name pops up in my mind. Its been a tucked away thought to the public, because there more then just I in the running for your heart. Often find myself thinking that I have lost my mind, to ever think that we would ever be anything because I’ve expressed many of times how I felt about the vibrations that are between us, where it leaves you speechless to the thought. When you are away from my mind, or sight the feelings of strain takes over, then I tell myself I am letting you go from my grasp because you will never understand how dedicated I’ve been to your existence, theses thought run through my mind very often until you take it upon yourself to make all theses questions fade away. The reassurance of the I love you brings me back into your gripping clutch where I rather be then in a locked up tower of self destruction. Vitamins that bring me energy and life on long days passing make it easy to bare, until the next time. The way you make me feel is undescribable, yes at times I truly believe you are just around to use me for your personal gain, but again the reassurance of your constantly belief in my dreams make it hard to tell real from fairy tale. You may have never been pyshically infront of me but, the soul that leaps through your sight into my spirit is capturing in happiness and joy. Many tell me I just need to cut you off all together because you are going to break the rest of what I have left of a heart, but your mysterious charming way is hard to shake. I am more then proud of the guy you have become, after what another has done to your heart. I am blessed that you allowed me to prove that I deserve a spot there, the constant battle of getting the spot is the task at hand. Longing for your manly arms around my caramel tone skin has only be thoughts of my dreams when I slumber. A mix in my soul is ready for your scratches on the tables that only your fingers touch. As of right now, it is still a mixtape waiting for the mixer to add his touch on.
” I stay up all night loosing sleep over you, I drive myself crazy because I can not get over you”- Kehlani The way ft. Chance the Rapper